CROTTY: THE EXTRAORDINARY RENDITION
Raised by free market Republicans, educated by closeted Jesuit Marxists, sent abroad for finishing school in post-punk poetics, returned to America for indoctrination in Zen Buddhist mind control, exiled to the road for twelve years to see if a Nebraskan can survive on whole grains and factory farmed chicken while selling ads from pay phones and penning stories from trailer parks for Monk: The Mobile Magazine, sent back for advanced training in Hegelian dialectics at St. John's College Santa Fe, forced to interview beautiful women for Playboy at the height of the dotcom bubble, rescued from a North Koreatown work camp, relocated to a safe house in New York City's Gramercy Park -- where he was secretly outfitted with a Canon Optura, G-4 Powerbook, Final Cut Pro, Sorensen Squeeze and all the bandwidth he could muster by mysterious flannel-suited operatives working for a shell corporation called 1014 Networks -- James Marshall Luke Crotty is finally ready for his close-up.

Photo by Frankie "Four Jobs" Foelsch